Healing from an Avoidant Dismissive: My Journey
I had to take my site down for a while to focus on myself. From the very start of this healing journey, I knew there was a root cause that needed to be confronted—and finally, I have faced it.
Like so many others, I’ve come to realise that romantic relationships, whether we admit it or not, are at the core of much of our suffering.
It’s almost unbelievable that it took a degree in psychology and philosophy for me to fully understand this, but at its core, everything boils down to attachment styles.
Falling for an Avoidant Dismissive
I fell head over heels for someone with an avoidant dismissive attachment style. If you want a deeper understanding of this, I highly recommend watching Coach Ryan on YouTube.
In short:
The avoidant dismissive partner discards you—often when the relationship is at its best.
This happens because emotional intimacy triggers their deepest fears, formed in childhood.
Instead of facing those fears, they run, offering no real explanation.
They appear cold, unempathetic, and unaffected, distracting themselves with external validation (climbing mountains, charity work—anything to avoid guilt).
Their heartbreak is delayed, and when they do finally reach out, it’s empty and meaningless—just a way to check if you’re still an option, not an attempt to repair the damage.
This behavior is devastating. Many victims of avoidant partners spiral into anxiety, depression, and even psychiatric treatment—convinced they are the problem. Some, tragically, don’t survive the pain. I myself nearly lost my life, not just from the trauma, but from the psychiatric medications that followed.
The Truth: You Did Nothing Wrong
Healing starts with understanding this fundamental truth:
They left because you were emotionally available and a great partner.
You did nothing wrong.
They lost YOU.
They are the ones with unhealed wounds.
For seventeen years, I was trapped in a cycle of confusion and pain, made worse by the effects of Big Pharma. But now, I feel like I’ve finally been given the keys to set myself free.
The Path to Healing
Understand what happened. You are not weak, crazy, or broken—you were gaslit into believing that. It is the avoidant that has the problem - an unhealed wound that they require therapy to heal.
Block them. Do not engage unless they actively seek therapy (which, let’s be real, most won’t). If you do, then they will continue to feed you breadcrumbs for years (as mine did) this will further trap you in hell.
Focus on yourself. You deserve love that is mutual, secure, and healthy.
Of all the emotional wounds one can heal from, recovering from a dismissive avoidant relationship is among the hardest. But the rollercoaster is finally slowing, and maybe—just maybe—I will be able to sleep at night again.
If you are going through this, please know that you are not alone. Watch Coach Ryan, educate yourself, and never blame yourself for someone else’s inability to love properly.
There is nothing wrong with you. In fact, quite the opposite.
Stay strong. 💙
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