Limerence, agents, GP's, death and unspeakable pain

NB: Since writing this post I realise that I do not have limerence - I had deep wounds from a romantic attachment to a Dismissive Avoidant. I'm relieved I finally worked it out, and blogging the journey helped to get me out of the 'jail cell'. I've left the post up as it documents the whole journey out of emotional pain. TR

In a previous post, I explored the link between bipolar disorder and limerence, but after reading Dorothy Tennov's Love and Limerence, the connection is undeniable.

Stabilisation and Lingering Symptoms

Five years ago, I managed to stabilise my bipolar disorder with the help of an expensive doctor who guided me through withdrawing from medications that, in hindsight, worsened my condition. While I’m now functioning and better overall, I continue to experience debilitating fatigue and headaches. Initially, I thought these were the lingering effects of the pharmaceutical treatments, and they may be in part, but I now recognise that limerence also plays a significant role.

Frustration with Medical Support

When I sought help from my GP about limerence, I was met with complete ignorance. She had never heard of the term and had no advice to offer. This has left me contemplating another round of costly consultations with private doctors. I cannot believe that I am facing this again...

The Perpetuation of Limerence

Reflecting on my experiences, I see how my cycles of limerence have been sustained by interactions with certain people. It started with an avoidant (and possibly covertly narcissistic) LO (limerent object) in a romantic relationship, and later, similar dynamics emerged in professional relationships. These people alternated between flattery and promises, and then disengagement and rejection—behavior that deeply wounds the limerent.

The limerent experience thrives in this liminal space between praise and rejection, hope and despair. Such interactions are devastating, and I now approach others’ promises with extreme skepticism.

A Personal Loss and a Shift in Focus

Recently, the death of a close friend shifted my focus. Words fail to describe how deeply this loss has affected me. In a way, the grief has displaced my limerence, at least temporarily. However, no one could understand why this death has affected me so profoundly. It is so appalling that I can't even write about it.

Moving Forward

For now, I’ve decided to halt submissions to agents. If one reaches out to me, fine, but I won’t subject myself to the cycle of hope and rejection.

Final Thoughts

Through it all, I remain convinced of the link between bipolar disorder and limerence. For the limerent, avoiding LOs is crucial to minimizing pain and preserving mental health. They must be blocked, deleted and forgotten. They are extremely damaging people who guise their manipulation in beguiling 'manners'.

However painful, I know I will survive this. Faith is what tethers me to life. No matter the pain and suffering I know I have the courage to withstand it. It is an impossibly hard paradox to understand but perhaps Schopenhauer was right, 'to be alone is the fate of all great minds.'

TR